Mandi and Remington in
Just the Size of Faith

Those who know me well know I can’t do much without being completely and emotionally engaged. While I’m grateful for this empathetic nature, it complicates many aspects of my life - one being my work in art. For me, emotion is vital for my paintings, but too much emotion renders me useless.  I fall apart and can’t move forward. This particular painting has been one of those paintings. I remember years ago, my father telling me how important it is to believe in something greater than you. It can be anything – the sun, the stars, the oak tree, your father, God - just as long as you look outside yourself; to always remember there is someone or something greater than yourself. Mandi’s story is one of honesty, courage, strength, trauma, fear, pain… but most of all… faith. Her story depicts the size of faith…

“[My dog] Remington came into my life in April of 2017.

In January 2018 when I was 39 years old, I was diagnosed with a very aggressive triple negative breast cancer. I had 8 rounds of chemotherapy and immunotherapy over the course of 24 weeks. To say I was sick is an understatement. I had every complication possible.

During my diagnosis stage, my oncology team decided that I could not work during my treatment. It was really hard being home at first. I felt like I was not pulling my weight in my family. These feelings were soon overwhelmed by my serious illness. I continually held on to my faith, that God was greater than my highs and lows. And, I continually held on to my dog. My Remington. She stayed with me 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It didn’t matter to her if I was in bed all day. She was right there with me. Taking a shower? She waited on the bath rug. Using the restroom, she was at my feet. Gone 12 hours for chemo? That precious girl ran to me the moment I got home. She was a constant companion during my treatment.

I was not concerned about my hair loss at my diagnosis. In fact, I cut it all off to the scalp before my first chemo and donated it to Wigs for Kids. It was my way of exercising some control. I wanted something good to come of the hair loss. However, no one prepared me for the fact that I would wake up from [bilateral mastectomy] surgery completely flat. And I really struggled. I was bald and I was fat and I had no breasts. I had gained a ton of weight on chemo. This was caused by tons of steroids they had to pump into me because I was allergic to the chemo. I had a hard time at first. I didn’t recognize myself. Clearly, I am still adjusting to my new normal.

It is December now, I have had many fills of my breasts at this point. I am still not back to my original size. I am closer. My hair is slowly coming in. But, I still struggle to see me in there. I am still fat. I still have super short hair. Strangers still stare. I am adjusting to this new normal. My body is not healed yet. I have a lot of pain still. With each ache, I wonder, do I have a new cancer yet? I have to reel all that in though. God is good all of the time. And I am alive. And I am in remission. I am strong. And I am not going to just survive this; I plan to thrive through this. I have a husband, 2 children, a dog, and a family and friends that love me. I just need faith. The size of my faith does not matter. It is a yes or no question. Have ye any faith? Yes. I do. God is good all of the time. Even when we cannot see it.

I have just returned to work. I am not sure if this was harder on me or Remington. She has become accustomed to me being home all the time. We are adjusting to this new normal. Onward. We move onward. Together.”

To my dad who is a survivor and who instilled in me the importance of believing in someone greater than myself no matter the size of faith and in honor of those who have battled or are continuing to battle any form of this disease…

@Daune Sheri
January 8, 2019